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9 years ago
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Watch out for man crotch
Ok, so I totally just got caught checking out a man package. In my defense, he was wearing tight pants and he was bulging right through them. I couldn't help myself. I mean, I look at every man's crotch I encounter on a daily basis, but I definitely looked a bit too long at this one. It was funny. I mean it was HUGE and just right there swinging in my face. What was I supposed to do?
MMMBop
So, back in the late 1990's when the little blond trio named Hanson came out with their signature song, I wanted nothing to do with it. It was a song that spoke to preteen girls and being a Junior/Senior in high school, that was way below me. I was listening to Ani, Tori, Pearl Jam, Led, and Sinatra. Recently while listening to the XM/Sirius channel 90s on 9 I reheard MmmBob and was amazed. I like it. I actually sang along and danced in my car. It made me feel good sitting in traffic. It lifted my spirits. It was at about this point I realized I was getting old. I didn't care if anyone knew I was listening to one of the most teeniebopperish songs of all time. I really liked it. I'm not saying I would go out and buy their CD or see them perform live, but I give them props for writing a really great song.
Monday, January 25, 2010
My favorite stalkers of all time
This seriously is my life. For some reason, I have been plagued with crazy men who actually do stalk me. Ok, not really sitting outside my house with binoculars (although I haven't actually caught anyone so this is a real possibility).
1. Jason in 2nd grade. He got stuck under my chair trying to look up my skirt. He then gave me a locket for Christmas that year that he got at the school Christmas sale, which I promptly threw in the trash can in front of him. I would also like to mention that he burnt his house down that year smoking a cigarette.....in the second grade!
2. David (aka Spock)in 7th grade. He used to wait outside my house for me to try to walk me to school. I of course was creeped out and would try and wait it out. He also had a notebook dedicated to everything me. Weird. He looked like freaking Spock.
3. M. Stalker in 9th grade. Yes. That was his actual name last name. I was on a trip to M.B, SC for spring break with my family (we are from upstate NY) when I ran into a really hot guy. He said he knew who I was because he was friends with my boyfriend. Funny thing was, I didn't have a boyfriend. Apparently he had told everyone at his school that he was dating me. I didn't even know who he was.
4. Crazy lady 11th-12th grade. I worked at CVS in high school and there was a schizophrenic older woman that would come in and would only be waited on by me. She was bizarre, and that is putting it very midly. She would tell me I had beautiful hips and beautiful hair. She also pissed her pants on a regular basis. She would wait for hours outside until I left so she could take a picture of me. She also tried getting my coworkers to give her my number. I took to hiding out in the office whenever she came in the store.
5. Paul when I was 25-26 (aka 80s porn star weirdo). Let me give the visual....Italian fro, 80's porn star stash, short, short, shorts, muscle shirts, and hundreds of skin tags littering his "buff" body. He would take pictures of me while I worked and tell everyone he wanted to pour milk on my breasts and lick it off. He also made the comment to some coworkers that he would kidnap me. I think it was a slip of the tongue, he meant to say he would take me to my house. He also used to try to tempt me with Pepsi (my addiction in life) to get me to go up to where he worked alone. Like I look that stupid? Hello! They would have found me 3 months later in a box in the corner or something.
6. Bill about 5 months ago. This may be my favorite. Or at least the weirdest. I work in a hospital with literally thousands of single men. This is the one that hits on me. First off he is a pathologist, which does not bother me in the least, but the other pathologists think he is a weirdo. He began talking to me and I was nice. I mean he was ugly, short, bald, and weird, but he could have had a great personality. He didn't. He started bringing me weird food and asking me out all the time. He would stalk my office until I got there and when I would leave, he would wait for me. I would have to get people to come and get me. I finally told him that I had a boyfriend (oh and he was married) and I didn't appreciate him asking me out. About a week later he pretended he couldn't remember my name when we ran into each other. Yeah right. He got fired not long after, which was nice, but not because of me. I was not the only lovely lady on his list. Problem is that he still kind of creeps around work.
I would like to add that there have been a few others, but not so bad or weird. I have this weird feeling that I have a specific scent that is irresistable to weirdos. Are there any normal men out there?
1. Jason in 2nd grade. He got stuck under my chair trying to look up my skirt. He then gave me a locket for Christmas that year that he got at the school Christmas sale, which I promptly threw in the trash can in front of him. I would also like to mention that he burnt his house down that year smoking a cigarette.....in the second grade!
2. David (aka Spock)in 7th grade. He used to wait outside my house for me to try to walk me to school. I of course was creeped out and would try and wait it out. He also had a notebook dedicated to everything me. Weird. He looked like freaking Spock.
3. M. Stalker in 9th grade. Yes. That was his actual name last name. I was on a trip to M.B, SC for spring break with my family (we are from upstate NY) when I ran into a really hot guy. He said he knew who I was because he was friends with my boyfriend. Funny thing was, I didn't have a boyfriend. Apparently he had told everyone at his school that he was dating me. I didn't even know who he was.
4. Crazy lady 11th-12th grade. I worked at CVS in high school and there was a schizophrenic older woman that would come in and would only be waited on by me. She was bizarre, and that is putting it very midly. She would tell me I had beautiful hips and beautiful hair. She also pissed her pants on a regular basis. She would wait for hours outside until I left so she could take a picture of me. She also tried getting my coworkers to give her my number. I took to hiding out in the office whenever she came in the store.
5. Paul when I was 25-26 (aka 80s porn star weirdo). Let me give the visual....Italian fro, 80's porn star stash, short, short, shorts, muscle shirts, and hundreds of skin tags littering his "buff" body. He would take pictures of me while I worked and tell everyone he wanted to pour milk on my breasts and lick it off. He also made the comment to some coworkers that he would kidnap me. I think it was a slip of the tongue, he meant to say he would take me to my house. He also used to try to tempt me with Pepsi (my addiction in life) to get me to go up to where he worked alone. Like I look that stupid? Hello! They would have found me 3 months later in a box in the corner or something.
6. Bill about 5 months ago. This may be my favorite. Or at least the weirdest. I work in a hospital with literally thousands of single men. This is the one that hits on me. First off he is a pathologist, which does not bother me in the least, but the other pathologists think he is a weirdo. He began talking to me and I was nice. I mean he was ugly, short, bald, and weird, but he could have had a great personality. He didn't. He started bringing me weird food and asking me out all the time. He would stalk my office until I got there and when I would leave, he would wait for me. I would have to get people to come and get me. I finally told him that I had a boyfriend (oh and he was married) and I didn't appreciate him asking me out. About a week later he pretended he couldn't remember my name when we ran into each other. Yeah right. He got fired not long after, which was nice, but not because of me. I was not the only lovely lady on his list. Problem is that he still kind of creeps around work.
I would like to add that there have been a few others, but not so bad or weird. I have this weird feeling that I have a specific scent that is irresistable to weirdos. Are there any normal men out there?
Well I have never written a blog before, but I have decided that now is the time. I am not a professional writer, but I am not a complete idiot. I am pretty bad and keeping journals and this may be a more fun way to get my thoughts and life in writting, but still be anonymous. I guess I should start out by saying I am a 28-year-old single, working mother. I am trying to still figure out who I am and what I am. I would like to think I am a good person most of the time.
I am single, and datingish. It is hard to date now. I have tried dating people I have met at work, through online dating, and through friends/family. For some reason it hasn't worked out for me. I am an attractive woman and have a lot to offer. Why is this so hard? Part of the reason is that I have serious committment issues. I mean SERIOUS. A great guy comes along and I can't committ. There are so many men out there what if something better comes along. I also tend to think I have become a bit man-crazy. I like men. I like different men. I may have turned into something of a "slut" over the last two years. Of course if I was a man, this would be different.
So, I have slept with 25 men. There are a lot of women who have slept with more. So, I can't remember all of their names. There may be even one or two that I never did know their name. A part of me feels like I should be ashamed of this or feel bad, but I can't. I just can't. It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the way people react or treat me when they learn this about me.
Anyway, that felt good.
I am single, and datingish. It is hard to date now. I have tried dating people I have met at work, through online dating, and through friends/family. For some reason it hasn't worked out for me. I am an attractive woman and have a lot to offer. Why is this so hard? Part of the reason is that I have serious committment issues. I mean SERIOUS. A great guy comes along and I can't committ. There are so many men out there what if something better comes along. I also tend to think I have become a bit man-crazy. I like men. I like different men. I may have turned into something of a "slut" over the last two years. Of course if I was a man, this would be different.
So, I have slept with 25 men. There are a lot of women who have slept with more. So, I can't remember all of their names. There may be even one or two that I never did know their name. A part of me feels like I should be ashamed of this or feel bad, but I can't. I just can't. It doesn't bother me. What bothers me is the way people react or treat me when they learn this about me.
Anyway, that felt good.
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